When I was a little girl until teenager, I didn't have good friends, close friends. I think until 18 years old, I didn't have close friends. It was really pity and sad too. But to find a close friend, I can't choose them random. A close friend must can understand and have empathy to the other, can be trustworthy, can help friend too. Not only exist when friend is happy, but exist too when friend is difficult. 1

No friends, I can feel lonely. But even I told to my friends, I couldn't choose them as my best friends. So many requirement to be a good friend. Even I had a friend sit together with me, but she was only friend to talk, no more and no less. I remember that I went everywhere alone. When I walked together with my friends, I didn't feel happy. 2

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I can't remember the words from that day. I can hear the tone of the yelling and arguing. Even at the age of 4 I could sense the hatefullness being thrown around. I remember the sound of her hitting the kitchen floor. She hurt her elbow. Uh oh. Should I make my little brother follow me and hide in my room? Are we going to get hurt? No, we won't. I'm just going to talk in a really nice sweet voice and that will make them happy again.

I remember the police sitting on the front porch with my father. I knew something was very, very wrong. Why is my Dad in trouble? Surely not because they were yelling! They yell everyday. No, he's back in the house now. Everything will be okay.....

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My name is Cyndi; I am a single mother with 2 children. They have different fathers that for the most part have not been a part of their lives financially, emotionally or otherwise. I was raised in a home with both parents and my brother and while we did not have everything we needed or even wanted and were in the welfare system, I can’t say it was all that bad growing up. My parents are hard working people and my mother raised us by talking to us, asking how we felt about things and taking our feelings into consideration when things happened. My father and I had a very rocky relationship, so I became defiant at a very young age. I ended up becoming very depressed and made some very bad decisions that changed the course of my life.

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I was ruthless i was a predator!i had to hunt so that i would not be hunted!so much pain im feeling now and when i was the hunter the snake the puke that my molester ejected out from his sick and evil body. I was 11 and learned to be selfish more then when i would not share my toys with the other kids,most grow out of selfishness but I had to re think re learn i filled my hart with hate and survival and now it eats at me like asid has been thrown on my face .even worst i felt just like that pedafile but just did not get turned on .i felt safe when i bruot a new friend home waiting for the night time to step out on to my roof so i coud not hear the beast feed and feed on his inanity and the boy my new friend my fake friend .my way out i still cant heel the pain in me and around me.i tryed so hard to kill myself but onse again the cowards way out.bye slowly over drugging myself.

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